Tonight again I am thinking...
dreaming about what I really want in life.
I want to graduate quickly.
Continue a master or a doctoral degree.
Work in a multinational company.
Earn much money.
Very much money.
I will have a big house...
With a large swimming pool maybe.
So I can swim in the morning before I go to work.
I will have a good and smart husband.
A son and a daughter will complete it.
Have vacation in some great places with my parents.
Do contribution for orphanages and churches.
Have fun...
Happy life...
Perfect dream...
What a dream...
I will live in a luxurious life.
Get anything I want easily.
Fulfil anyone's wishes in a second.
I will give my brother anything.
Let my sisters get what they want.
By my money!
It is okay. If they use my money.
I will work twice or trice harder than before.
Then get alot of money.
A lot lot lot lot of money...
For a happy life, for sure.
For sure...
For sure...?
Really, is this what I want?
I am not sure now.
Will I be happy in this kind of happy life?
I don't even now why people tell this happiness.
While I am thinking about this, tonight...
I just feel emptiness.
Hollowness.
Nothing more.
And I again force myself.
Search for the happiness part.
I try to imagine my parents smile. People smile.
Are they really happy?
Now I am asking if I can make them happy.
I realize that I have make some untrue illusion.
Just to find a reason that what I thought I want is right.
But that's a lie.
That's a lie, so I can receive this kind of happy life.
The truth is I am not happy.
Or I dont know if my parents are happy or not.
I just forced myself...
To think that wealth, greatness, and reputation is everything I need.
No I don't want a life like that.
Gathering with my family in healthy condition is a wonderful thing.
Seeing my brother and sister get achievement in their field is a pleasant.
I am happy now.
Live my daily life is more than a happiness.
Achievements, wealth, reputation, everyone's wants it.
But not one of those can make sure you are happy.
And I...
Yes I want to reach those.
But not for my happiness or people's.
Only for God's glory.
So, what is exactly I really want in life?
Love...
I just need love.
Because love is bigger than anyhing.
And love never fails.
And will I be happy?
I am always grateful for small mercy.
I am grateful for my life.
